Where Are We Now

So, now it's the end of June and it has been two months since we lost our precious Hayden. We are still grieving for Hayden, and for Avery. We actually lost Hayden on the same week that Avery's was due. It felt like such a double whammy.

So, we continue to grieve and recognize a part of us will always be grieving. It has been an incredibly difficult season for us. A season of hope and loss, of pregnancy and infertility, of joy and sorrow. At the same time, I can see the Lord’s hand with us at each turn, during each painful moment, and with every tear shed. Our friends and family have been incredible, and I’m so thankful for each of them.

We have found our own, unique ways to keep honoring Hayden and Avery. It is important to me to remember and have Hayden and Avery continue to be a part of our family. Hayden and Avery were both children that God gave us for a time and for a reason, and I refuse to forget that.

Obviously, Mother's Day was incredibly painful... extra painful this year, as we were actively miscarrying still. I'm so grateful for the friends who thought to assure me that I AM a mother to two very, very loved children who happen to not be on Earth with us. So, yes, we will be that strange family that actually TALKS about our miscarriage. I will be that mom who answers the "do you have kids" question with, "Yes, I have two children in Heaven." That is important to me - to cherish, to remember. It’s so rare to hear people talk about it, which is ridiculous since more than 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. That is SO many people, yet there is such pressure for silence around this issue.

So, here is to remembering, to sharing, to breaking that silence, to having conversations, to supporting one another, to loving deeply even for a short time, and to reuniting with our precious little ones in Heaven one day.