Note that posts from here on are written after we confirmed the miscarriage, which results in a different speaking tone. However, I wanted to go back and complete the writing to capture the good memories that we had, and will always have.
August 27, 2014 8:50pm.
After ~10 minutes of the usual troubles of getting everything together and getting Skype connected, Jessi’s parents were ready to open the special package that she’d sent the day we confirmed that we were pregnant.
The first gift opened was a mug for her dad, which read, “The best dads get promoted to Grandpa.” After reading it aloud, her parents looked at us, back at the mug, back at us, before her father got out, “Wait? Are you…?” To which we responded, “Yes, we’re pregnant!” Jessi’s dad thrust a victorious fist in the air and laughed, while Jessi’s mom was very very confused…
Her confusion requires some backstory. Jessi and I had been trying for this baby since November of last year, meaning for ten months by August. In that time we’d learned that Jessi has a condition called PCOS, which means that it’s difficult to become pregnant. So difficult that we’d been to a fertility specialist and were ready to start on new medications at the start of our next opportunity.
Jessi’s mom was very aware of the timing, and earlier that week had suggested that Jessi was pregnant. Jessi found herself working in more and more lies to ensure that her mom wouldn’t realize early and ruin the surprise of the gifts, going so far as to indicate it was impossible that she was pregnant, and we were ready to start the new medications.
So when Miss Juli received this latest news, she was confused, realizing that there was a lie in here somewhere, she was afraid to believe that the pregnancy might be the lie because it was new information, and because it’d be worse to be wrong about.
After fully explaining everything, and reminding her of the “lies are okay if it’s for a good surprise” policy that had ruled the household Jessi’s whole life, Miss Juli accepted the news and smiled through the sobbing as she opened “Good Night Moon” and an interior sign reading, “What happens at Grandma’s never happened”