On September 15, we were scheduled for our second ultrasound to date how old our baby actually was. Evan has been wonderful and has gone with me to every single appointment since we have been trying to get pregnant, 10 months ago, and trust me, it has felt like a million appointments. We were especially excited about this one, because we had been waiting to tell most people about the pregnancy because we did not have a due date to tell them.

So, there we were sitting in anticipation in the waiting room just waiting to know when we could meet our precious baby. They called us back, and it was a different ultrasound tech than we had the whole last year. She starts the ultrasound, and Evan and I are trying to hear the heartbeat, which we were supposed to be able to hear this appointment. Needless to say, this ultrasound tech was much less talkative, and actually angled the screen away from us. Evan tried to ask her a few questions, which she dodged with a “The doctor will have to review that with you.” So, we are obviously concerned. She escorts us back out to the waiting room. Yes, the waiting room. We are sitting out there for like 20 minutes trying to stay calm. I text a few people who knew we were at this appointment, and ask them to pray. Then, Evan spends the rest of the time trying to tell me stories to distract me. We finally get called back to the doctor (who was not our regular doctor) and she gives us the news: we had a miscarriage. A miscarriage. I just sit there stunned. The doctor was telling us that we were having a “missed miscarriage,” which means that there were no warning signs of miscarriage and that the miscarriage process needed to be induced. Evan asked a few questions, and the doctor shared the options with us on how to facilitate the process. We could either wait a few weeks to see if it started itself, induce it at home or via surgery. At this point, we were too stunned to proceed and chose to wait a few weeks.

We left the doctors office and went home to try to wrap our minds around all this. We sat. We cried. We prayed. We stared at the wall. Ultimately, after hours of repeating this process, we decided to go out with our friends who were going to the Big E that night. We needed to get out of our heads. We had been planning to tell this group of friends about our pregnancy tonight, so it was so hard to have very different news to share. So hard, that I decided I couldn’t share just yet. However, our friend Shaina already knew we were pregnant, and she was incredibly supportive. It was those kind of moments where I was so thankful for our choice to reach out to and to allow our friends to support us when we really needed it. We had a night filled with good food and great friends, and we were actually able to laugh.