It was early in the morning on Tuesday, April 21, 2015, and I convinced Evan to let me take a pregnancy test today. We had just taken a month off of fertility, as a break after 3 unsuccessful cycles. Two weeks prior, we had completed the labs we needed before we could begin our new fertility treatment, IUI (Inter-uterine Insemination). The labs came back great, but said we had ovulated that cycle even on our own (super rare for me), which meant my period should be coming soon and we would need to wait for that. The doctor said that if my period did not come in two weeks that we could take a pregnancy test. So, it was 13 days, but I could not wait anymore, as I thought I was having early pregnancy symptoms and could not wait one more day...... and it was POSITIVE!!!!!!
We normally looked together, but it was instantly positive. I waited the appropriate 3 minutes for the test to be accurate, and then ran to get Evan. We celebrated, did some jumping up and down and dancing, and took some pictures!!!!
However, in my heart, I noticed a little fear creep in. We had been here before, and I was scared to lose another precious little one before we got to meet it. Fear was whispering to not get too excited, just yet. Plus, my doctor's words from our last meeting were running through my mind. She said that our last miscarriage may have been related to my health condition, PCOS, causing my egg to not develop and release strong enough to make a sustainable pregnancy, since we became pregnant without fertility. While it is hard to know for sure, her statement echoed in my heart, and turned to fear, because this time we had again become pregnant between fertility cycles.
Something a friend shared with us during our last pregnancy, also came to mind:
We will rejoice while we have reason to rejoice, and we will mourn when we have a reason to mourn. Until then, we choose to rejoice.
The wisdom of her words calmed me, and I allowed myself to get excited for this life that God has given us. At that moment, I knew that, even if we miscarried, I did not want to miss the opportunity for us to celebrate this life.